I have recently decided that all the money in the world can not buy you the best of anything. In fact the more money you have, it does indeed, bring you more problems, in this case consider it in the way of your neighbors. My best advice is to not have any, or just buy enough land that you never deal with any! For me I currently just find it all very entertaining when we are at this one particular location.

One of my homes is located in a lovely upscale neighborhood, where entitlement runs rampant. Everyone thinks that they are entitled to be, or do whatever their wallets dictates that they can purchased the right for them to do. Sadly most of them are what I call “bouncing on shit” a term coined many years ago in Dirty Dancing; to detail how they are basically faking it until they make it. They are completely maxed out financially and probably do not have a dime to their names, if the truth be told. Literally one stock market crash away from the poor house. Sure they have fancy (leased) cars, a big house (with no furniture inside) and all the fancy swag to make it look like they have wealth, but it is all one big charade. A never ending game of keeping up with the Jones, where one big fuck up and they are in the poor house. (Get those moving trucks ready and on standby it will be a mass exodus)

In fact if you go their homes and look in the windows they barely have anything at all, just sad leftover garage sale pieces or crappy cheap Amazon or IKEA purchases just to fill a room, but no real furniture to speak of; then they sell everything to their neighbors just to pick up on the local Facebook page for $5-10, just sad! I don’t want your leftover junk, no one does! Heaven forbid you list it as a Free item they will break their necks to come pick it up, just to resell it themselves or fill their sad homes.

The other things about these people are they are complete weirdos, almost like zealots. I have always thought that money makes you eccentric, but I have noticed it also attracts specific types of kinks too. Think swingers, wife swapper’s and of course you have your basic addicts, both drug and alcohol. It is like living in the eyes wide shut movie day in and day out, they are bored with one life so they trade to another. These people have clearly watched entirely too much reality television and now they have modeled their lives after the fake scripted television they love so much, or recent pod cast they listened too and now their lives sadly resembles it. Sleeping with another woman’s husband and end up being knocked up so the baby looks like the neighbors husband, “oops now we have to move, because that got weird“. Seriously what the fuck people, you are not David Blaine? Do you not know how that works? Wrap that shit up! Did you not think that your redheaded husband would wonder about where that dark skinned brown hair brown eyed baby came from, since you are a blond with blue eyes? I mean did you not take biology in high school? It is pretty basic? Not to mention the blood type didn’t match your other kiddos, ummm that maybe a red flag?

Let’s also not leave out the men that are hooking up with the other men, behind the wives backs. Yup, the closet gays that want it all; the house, the kids, the neighbors husband, that is also happening too! Bromances that are rampant, from the innocent little golf games, poker nights and hunting trips with a broke back mountain twist; that’s right we got it all folks! They toast it all with their Bud Light and Tranny-Trips! Hey fellows be sure to wrap it up, we heard there is little STD & HIV action being passed around right now, by a new kid on the block; we would hate for you to get sick, but maybe that is why you keep ending up at ER misdiagnosed? Maybe it is not a UTI….

Then you have the ones that are nice to your face and constantly undermining you or stabbing you in the back for self gain. You know the typical “salesman type” he was only out for self gain and climbing the rungs of popularity to grow a client base. It is funny because everyone can see these guys coming from a mile away now and avoids them like the plague while making fun of them behind their back. So one of ours is like a used car salesman on crack that looks like Danny Bonaduce’s twin brother! Now he his lost his job, since he was not very good to begin, always freeloading off others work, and is now hoping all his “networking” will pay off in finding a new position. Karma, what goes up must come down; get that moving truck ready, transferring out of state you say?

This group is also so entitled they refuse to actually take any responsibility for themselves in anyway. Like at our neighborhood pool and tennis club, one of the resident’s children pooped in the pool, which is wrong on so many levels since 1) the kid was old enough to know better like 8 years old 2) he was wearing those board shorts with no netting so it just fell out of his shorts like a Baby Ruth and 3) he was pretty proud of the fact he had done it, and no he is was not special needs of any kind. No one in attendance at the pool that day could get a net and actually scoop the turd out of the pool, which included a man that called it in to the HOA management company and owns his own pool maintenance company. (Now that is good for business- yes? I won’t clean the neighborhood pool on my own time, but you can pay my company to come clean your pool). What a piece of work, that just sells your company in my eyes. Now this turd sat in the bottom of pubic pool over night, before the pool company could get to the pool to scoop it out and shock the water. We were told that since it is a high end salt water pool, if it had been scooped out right away it could have been ready to swim by the next day with the current chemical balance, verses allowing the poop to sit and break down in the water. Seriously people? You are too good to scoop the shit of your own kid? It is like Caddyshack on Meth over here, “like oh my God, is that a turd, gross“!

It is out of control, I think I have actually heard one of neighbors complain about another one that smokes too much “cheap weed” on his porch and it drifts over in to their yard and “skunks it” up. Now she needs to add on a Florida room with enclosed windows so she won’t have to smell his shunky weed, since he won’t switch to a douche flute it or purchase a higher quality weed which doesn’t stink. Let me just note they have not even legalized marijuana in this state yet; so I can not even imagine what this conversation would be like when they do! Meanwhile the local cops that live here look the other way, they don’t care as long they get some from him for themselves. Now that is just sad.

Don’t even get me started on the amount of DUI’s we achieve. I am sure our neighborhood can break records. It is funny too, since all the little housewives post on social media about how they are “giving back” to the community at the local food shelters, homeless shelters, teen in trouble shelters blah, blah, ect, ect. BULLSHIT! It is their court required community service sentence and they are just spinning it! We have an unauthorized Facebook page that posts the Public Record screen shots of who was arrested for that shit! That’s right we have a bored housewife that just sit around and check that site daily to toss all the other assholes under the bus. Was it your kindergarten teacher’s husband, the ritzy PTA mom or the sassy preacher’s wife, who knows? We sure do as it gets updated daily~

Mind your “P”oop’s & “Q”ueef’s

Veronica J.