All of my life I feel like I have been fighting against something, the quintessential good verses evil scenario. However, I think we may all do that in our own minds. What I do know is that over the years I have truly been broken, so I can say once you have been broken you can not be broken again, you simply just endure which makes you very scary to those that have not experienced being “broken” yet. For that matter, even if they are broken, they may not have figured out how to self heal, and continue to be broken spreading their shattered views on the world. Maybe that is what I am doing right now, I hope not, but it could be, either way it is cathartic and I have found strength. I am no longer broken, I am strong and I endure.

I have tried over the years to be everything for everybody, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a stand in mother figure, even though I did not want too. Only to be wrecked in the end by those I “thought” I was trying to help, lashing out at me from their own issues. I was punished for trying to help, which is that whole idea of “no good deed goes unpunished” quote. This is why I believe the world has gone dark.

What do I mean by dark? Well I mean that evil is cool and winning these days. We embrace the movies like Bad Moms, Evil, The Bad Guys, which are actually poking fun at how they became bad which is pure truth. However, it makes people idolize being bad, it actually shows that it is okay to just be awful, because deep down we all are? So, by all means lets normalize it! Now I am not discounting that I do not want to be a total bad ass, but ethically speaking some of those lines have really been blurred, to the point that I am not sure as a species we can recover from it. We are just awful and we are owning it, and loving it, and now laughing at it with no remorse; except at church for a couple of hours on Sunday where you can get saved for the week, then you are all good for another week.

UGH! It is enough to make you want to move to a cabin in the woods with no trespass signs and shoot anyone on sight that sets foot on your property. Which is my next move! Except for the Amazon drivers, I love you guys! Maybe it is just me, but my list of people I actually like is getting shorter and shorter as the years go by. They continually resort to showing their true colors, and I am all done with the games and drama these days. I would prefer quality people in my life, because the quantity of life I have left is numbered, so why surround myself with shit! Except shit is what seems to be taking over these days.

I read a quote that said “A warrior’s strength is measured by the size of their heart, they are humble, stand with honor, fight with love even in face of adversity. Their voice is a shield and they become a beacon of light to find the way home.” I have cut off a lot people that have caused me great harm over the years to find my own peace. Now that I have those boundaries in place they keep reaching for me, but I am no longer allowing them into my space, that privilege is long gone. Once you are gone, you are dead to me, because I have lost so many before you that I can never get back but wish I could.

Okay Byeee

Veronica J.