Oh it is that time year again. Do the holidays get you down? Do you dread having to see your family? I know I can feel you and know your vibe. While most people are “acting” like they are enjoying the holidays, putting on a brave and happy face, are they really enjoying them? What a fun musing for the day, right? Why do we put ourselves through this nightmare, year after year?
I believe that we want to recreate what we believe are the happy childhood memories we have built up in our own minds; but we really do not remember all the circumstantial tragedies going on at the time. I say this because I, being the more “stable” family member in my own family, was asked by my siblings to create these similar fantastic memories for our grown up family gatherings. This entire idea is laughable at best; but always being up for a challenge I decided to give it a go!
After many years of pulling together what I felt to be a relatively lovely set of holidays, completely out of my ass; I was later accused of being a complete control freak and having to be in charge of everything. “Funny, if memory serves, your sorry asses could not pull shit together and asked me to do everything to make a nice holiday for YOUR children, which they still talk about it to this day. However, I guess that made me the controlling one?”
Maybe because it was my “nicely decorated” home, my “home cooked” food, my money, my time, my effort, my energy; all to make YOUR holiday nice, as you would blow into town with NOTHING in your shit wagon. If I could only have all of that effort and energy wasted on those unappreciative fucks back! I am sure this is probably what my mother thought too! Honestly it was like a cousin Eddie moment from the Griswold’s, minus the crusty RV, thank God!
I guess it just makes me a sucker, in a world full of takers and users; which sadly I am related too. In my younger years I was naive and just enjoyed doing nice things for those I loved. Even though I was the youngest in my family; the last to buy a home, get married, start a family they all crashed on me and what little I had acquired. We were just starting out, while they all had stable jobs, bigger homes, which they never decorated, and existing families. I would literally cook a full holiday meal and have to leave to go into work afterward, while they all sat around my home enjoying themselves.
Honestly, I just thought that I was spreading holiday cheer and happiness and that was all that mattered, because it would be carried on, but it was not. It was a lost art in a world of “takers”, it seems like people are more interested in what they can get off of you, verses how they help and support a good cause, or spread more happiness. I have quit using the word JOY because the acronym stands for “Jokes On You”, so joy is not something I want to spread anymore, thanks Tik Tok! So nothing will bring me joy or gives me joy ever again, it is all about happiness, which I believe comes from within.
While the holidays should be a happy occasion, it seems like they get tainted with guilt, and “triggers”, another great word that has taken over society these days. No I am not talking about Roy Roger’s horse, I am speaking about horrid memories that people are now using as excuses to behave badly and labeling them as triggers. You know in our “label free” society, we still need to be able to identify why we behave badly and be able to point to reasons why we do what we do, which has no direct collation to us just being assholes.
God I love my musings so much, even though it might make me the Queen Asshole, I am so okay with that, and I own it! At least I am not some weak pussy crying in the corner about all my triggers, I am just an asshole and that is okay.
Your Favorite Asshole,
Veronica J.